I wanted to make a post today as a follow up to my previous one. My last post was a bit more on the loss side. Today I want to go past that. This is more about acceptance.
Like I said in my previous post, I don’t grieve well. I’ve lost quite a few loved ones and have never properly grieved for some. But when you finally do, it’s something you’ll wonder what took so long. I still struggle with many of them, maybe my own words will get through to me. You always give the best advice to others, right?
Sometimes therapy is the best option. It’s a good option, as long as you find a therapist you are comfortable talking these things out with. I don’t like talking, perhaps that’s why I’ve chosen a blog to get out some of my own feelings.
Grieving isn’t actually what many think it should be. Sometimes it’s laughing at jokes your departed friend or family member would have loved. Sometimes it’s driving out to old places to just to sit and remember. When a toast is raised at events, you keep them in your mind knowing they would have either loved or laughed at the speech. It’s not morbid, it’s remembering and honoring them and their life.
You see, I’m a firm believer that they are always with you, but not in the way most people think. Our friends and family make impressions on our lives. Those impressions or memories can only fade if you let them. Don’t let them fade, look back and remember those moments for what they were. That’s how your loved ones are always with you. The impressions are lasting, our lives are not.
This is not something that will happen immediately. You can’t force it. One day, you’ll find yourself smiling instead of crying at your memories. It could take, days, months, or even years. The process isn’t a one size fits all. Notice all the “sometimes” I wrote earlier?
What’s the right way to grieve someone? There isn’t. In other cultures, they celebrate their dead with massive parties. Some will wear the clothes of their dead for days or weeks. Some cultures will keep the bones for good luck and fortune. These are ways people cope, and none are right or wrong.
There will always be a feeling of loss and sadness. When that feeling is less than the appreciation of having been around that person in life, well that’s when you’ve hit acceptance. Or at least, that’s how I know I’ve hit it.
–#23toomany. It stands for the 22 veterans and one active duty who commit suicide every day. It’s not a political statement, it’s my way of honoring my friends, brothers, and sisters. I love you and miss you all.